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“Mirror, mirror”
 by Tu Hoang

I don’t think most people really get childhood fairy tales until they’re adults and by then these stories are often not revisited.  We do a disservice to our children when we tell them stories that we ourselves do not really understand.  We seem to think that these stories do not go any further then the ethical and moralizing icing on the cake.

Joseph Campbell vis-à-vis Carl Jung said that myths, including childhood fairy tales, are best read as metaphors.  These metaphors help map out our life quests.  In Sleeping Beauty, the princess awakes only when her prince comes for her.  What does this mean?  

What of the evil stepmother, in Snow White, who gushes “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”  Most people think that she is vain and therefore being vain is ‘bad’.  But there is more to it than that and if this is all that we can impart to our children then we are robbing them of meaning.  Actually, I don’t think this is about our children at all.  It is about ourselves as adults and when we read these stories again to our children, its very telling about ourselves if we finally ‘get’ these stories or not, now that we have grown up.

If you are searching for wisdom in life, a child’s library of fairy tales is a convenient place to begin.  Often times we go searching for pre-digested wisdom, contrary to what wisdom means.  Wisdom is knowledge and experience reflected upon, understood and digested within us.  We can get glimpses of wisdom when reading about other people’s life stories but it is very much theirs and not ours.  In short, we often have to acquire wisdom the hard way.  Fairy tales are not pre-digested.  Not if we take them for metaphors.  They are archetypes and fundamental patterns and images that we can use to better organize the lessons life teaches us.

The Poor Evil Stepmother

The notion of the evil stepmother in Snow White talking to her mirror struck me when I was looking at myself in the mirror.  We know that some mirrors do a better job for us then others.  Mirrors that make us look horrendous put us off.  Is it the lighting?  Is this mirror warped or what?  Do I actually look like that?  What’s going on with my hair?  How come my pores are so big? But what I really mean is, ”Am I the fairest one of all?”

I wish I had a mirror that did the job like the one Snow White’s stepmother had.  It was honest and reliable.  But mirrors like that do not exist, at least not for our bathrooms.  But we do carry such a mirror and it is of great help if we know how to use it.  To use it properly, we have to ask ourselves the proper questions.  The evil stepmother asked the wrong question.  She was not evil; she was unenlightened and lost in her own illusions. 

Most of us ask the wrong questions but we do not think of ourselves as evil.  We ask if we are the fairest, the smartest, the happiest, the most contented.  The stepmother was told that she was not the fairest in relation to Snow White.  She was plenty gorgeous already though, the number two beauty in the land.

When we look inward, it is that sight that is the mirror.  The mirror reflects simply ourselves and if we ask it the proper questions it will reliably, honestly show us what there is to see.  When we ask the wrong questions we become as delusional as Snow White’s stepmother.  Unfortunately, many of us do not stop looking for a mirror that will tell us we are the fairest. 

Mirrors only show us who we are, not who we would rather be.  We think that a new car would be a good mirror but it is not.  We think that a new, attractive mate would be a good mirror but it is not.  Neither is a high paying job or a lovely home.  Those things have nothing to do with finding a mirror that works because this inner reflection, this mirror we carry, never fails to work.  Unfortunately we simply fail to look, all the while asking the wrong questions to the wrong objects.

To be fair, it is difficult to look straight into our honest reflections.  Not only must we contend with our previous illusions of trying to be the fairest, we must now contend with very real failings of character and personality.  Guess what?  I realized this weekend that I am not such a nice guy.  Something like that can be down right depressing but not if we realize that its all part and parcel of seeing ourselves. 

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